Hay hay haaay! It’s the last day of the weekend and I hope that everyone is feeling gooood wherever you are. I hope you don’t mind but this post will be a ramble as I am just so so filled with pent-up thoughts and worry I just need a release. Here it is:
For the last few weeks I have felt completely drained and not creative AT ALL. I’ve felt the need to write but haven’t wanted to write about anything? It’s the oddest feeling, My job demands flexibility and the days that you work will not be the same every week and this has definitely played a part in how I am feeling and why I’ve had a creative block. Although it may seem like something trivial and just a part of life to some of you, I start to feel really uncomfortable when I do not have routine in my life because I can’t make plans that are set in stone nothing is for sure, 100% or certain..and this really bothers me. However, due to the circumstances of where I work I will not be there for too much longer as we may be closing down, which leads me onto my next point: I am going to be working as much as I physically can because I need the money but how much time will I have for myself?
I am a strong strong believer in ‘healthy working’, working enough to live and still have a life but it seems that nobody has enough time for themselves, nobody has enough time to live because we’re all too busy making a living or looking after those we love. The only way you can have time for life to live in today’s society is if you: a) Have an amazingly flexible job. b) Work from home or c) You are your work (e.g athlete). It feels almost impossible to have enough time for everyone (myself included) and work. This is probably all just a hormonal over exaggeration.
Considering my age I often do tell myself that I am far too young to be worrying about earning enough money to live and so on but when you aren’t going to university and you’re just in work, this is what you worry about. You’re worrying about survival and you’re worrying about being good enough for the system.
I have chosen to not go to university as I don’t have a career to pursue that requires a degree and nothing appealed to me. Also everyone I know that has graduated from university has not benefitted from their degree in any way. They struggle just as much as the next guy to get a job, nobody should think that university is something they have to do. Education is a privilege but the privilege is in the option. The choice of educating yourself.
I think what I need to start doing is managing my time better and focus on myself in the small minutes that I spend watching a series or something pointless like that.
My neighbours are arguing, it’s so loud it sounds as if we’re all in the room together.
I am thankful for having a strong mind and heart but I feel kind of lost in life right now like, where do I belong in the world? Do we ever find where we belong or do we just spend our life wandering?